Monday, August 24, 2015

Heartland Watermelons Flee Vegan Werewolf Apocalypse

The Heartland Institute faces a mass resignation of its stalwarts in sultry Battle Ground, Indiana, where denial of climate change induced animal  behavior  has  ceased  in the  wake of  bizarre changes in the eating habits of the area's newly re-introduced Gray Wolf population.

Deprived of their customary diet of climate scientists, passenger pigeons and Underground Railroad refugees driven across Ohio River ice floes by whip-wielding slave traffickers,  the ferocious former carnivores have become militant vegans, and taken to savaging  anything  green on the outside, and red on the inside.

Security forces at The Guardian and The Nation Institute have been alerted to this alarming development, and The Southern Poverty Law Center is mounting an investigative fund drive. 

Sporty Daily Telegraph readers have reportedly petitioned the Quorn to make James Delingpole Master of Wolfhounds, and dispatch him with a twenty couple pack to deal with the Battle Ground horror en route to his next Heartland speech in Las Vegas.