Famed Waterfront Property Buccaneer
Inaugurated To Preside Over
Potomac Fever -- Swamp Fleet
Sea Level Rise Makes Mar del Lago Natural Base
For Dread Privateer Trump
The President ( be he kin o'the Dutch Admiral?) having by Surprize got the weather Gage of the Low Whig candidate, Mifstress Clinton, told a Capitol quarterdeck crowd far too large to reckon on his fingers that, for sure as a rising tide lifts all galleons, he giveth not the Fig of Spain for the huge Flight of Whiggish Lubbers, Liberals & such-like bilge rats flushed down the Virginee Tidewater from the fever swamps of the Potomock.
Many an Aarrrgh! has been heard in the Port O'New York
of late, as the China Trade be run hard & fast Aground with bo'suns unable to find & Shanghai enough able-bodied Heathens to man the yards.
As Trump's embargo of Barbarees, Levanters and Lascaradoes leaves none for press - gangs to belay, a Subscription is being raised at Fraunces Tavern, to article a savvy bilge-barrister to survey Ye Black Book of Admiralty, and see if Bosun Bannon's scurvy Mussulman ban be not contrary to the Code.