Sunday, May 12, 2013

Postmodern Coal Deposits and the Semiotic Carbon Cycle


Australia owes its inexhaustible soft coal deposits to the fossilization of an organic material called cellulose, whose largest postmodern source is the Murdoch newspapers readers bury in landfills as fast as Rupert prints them.  

There it turns into layers of anthropocene coal shallow as the science writing in The Wall Street Journal. Cheap to mine, this highly inflammatory material amply pays for advertorials praising the environmental benefits of mining, as more money can be made  excavating coal in Australia than the greatest living digger can possibly spend on journalism. 
Once read and buried, the already fossilized editorial content of Newscorp papers hastens their transformation into minable coal that can be exported to China in exchange for printing presses as the great biogeochemical cycle of carbon continues.

As an environmentally responsible publisher, Newscorp recycles op-eds whenever possible, and to assure their legibility uses only fresh newsprint and printer’s ink. While the deforestation of Canada to mine tar sand provides Newscorp with an ample supply of journalistic pulp, making ink is harder than manufacturing news, as it entails mixing tar oil with carbon black obtained by frakking & cracking natural gas. 

So tell your Congressman to help the Keystone XL pipeline save the environment by cutting the energy cost of delivering ink from Alberta's beaver infested wilderness to the Murdoch organ nearest you!