Sunday, May 12, 2013

Postmodern Coal Deposits and the Semiotic Carbon Cycle

Australia's soft coal deposits are inexhaustible because they arise from the fossilization of an organic material called cellulose, whose largest source is the Murdoch newspapers that  readers bury in landfills as fast as Rupert can print them.  

There the postmodern cellulose decays into layers of anthropocene coal shallow as the science writing in The Wall Street Journal and The Daily Telegraph.

Cheap to data mine, this highly inflammatory material attracts advertorials praising the environmental benefits of mining, to assure more money can be made digging up Australian coal than even Newscorp can spend digging up dirt on fair dinkum climate scientists.

Once read and buried, the already fossilized editorial content of Newscorp papers hastens their transformation into minable coal that can be exported to China in exchange for printing presses as the great biogeochemical cycle of carbon continues.

As an environmentally responsible publisher, Newscorp recycles op-eds whenever possible, and to assure their legibility uses only fresh newsprint and printer’s ink. While the deforestation of Canada to mine tar sand provides Newscorp with an ample supply of journalistic pulp, making ink is harder than manufacturing news, as it entails mixing tar oil with carbon black obtained by frakking & cracking natural gas. 

So tell your Congressman to help the Keystone XL pipeline save the environment by cutting the energy cost of delivering ink from Alberta's beaver infested wilderness to the Murdoch organ nearest you!