And The Earth Moved

The Mercalli Scale Rises To The Challenge of Existential threat Inflation 
I           No effect       

II          Noticed only by sensitive people   

III         Resembles traffic vibration

IV        Walkers take notice; lights swing          

V         Sleepers awakened; bells ring       

VI        Trees sway, cans fall from shelves    

VII       General alarm, cracking of walls    

VIII      Chimneys fall, some building damage          

IX        Ground cracks, houses shift, pipes break           

X          Ground deeply cracked, cathedrals collapse

XI        Suspension bridges destroyed   

XII       No buildings left standing; objects thrown in air

XIII     Tree trunks pulped, car tires flattened

XIV     Mormon missionaries defect to Temple of Poseidon

XV      Al Gore changes telethon topic 

XVI     Shoes destroyed, cats burst into flames

XVII   Ground waves strike passing aircraft

XVIII  Marble emits CO2, quartz turns to sand

XIX     Coal  seams  transformed  to  diamond

XX      Scientologists  declare  victory

XXI    Fox News  invites  seismologist  to  comment