BEVEGED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED : MILKING ALMONDS FOR ALL THEY'RE WORTH

In California restaurants that cater to the carbon-offset classes, almonds have gone the way of foi gras. Growing the nuts in the midst of drought is absurdly water intensive, and their irrigation entails hefty CO2 costs-- if growing one almond takes a gallon of water, what does it take to put a gallon of almond milk on a Wholefoods shelf?

To Green dismay and Vegan ire, Big Beef's legal and regulatory muscle is pushing back against the proliferation of non-mammalian milk brands as a cultural phenomenon, demanding  the M word  be struck from cartons and bottles of emulsions not just of almonds, but soybeans, cashews, oats, algae, hemp and flax. 

Despite rising sales of milk of the poppy on HBO, the threatened ban has sent PBS' soy-swilling punditry into a swoon: what else can white vegetable fluids in cartons be called ? 
The answer may lie in Middle English.

As the Norman word 'bevrage' from boire, the French verb 'to drink' long ago morphed into the beverages we drink today, the next neologism could be :

IF  BEVEGE  DOESN'T  SOUND VEGAN  ENOUGH,

TRY  A  NEW VEGERAGE  TODAY! 

NOW WITH NEW EXTRA VOWELS