The Brethren of the Somali Coast are askin how they can survive keelhauling if temperatures in yer Arabian Sea off Hormuz rise five degrees past blood heat? The swooning heat of the Red Sea alreay has Muslims listing far to starboard in Arabia Infelix, , says Hussein Ibish, (By the Black Spot, that lubberly Lascar deserves a poxy kiss o'Davey Jones camel ... more»
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| STILL IN PRINT AFTER 93 YEARS |
Booty can’t buy happiness. Yet there be a strong correlation between the clime o' a country 'n its general level o' sweat, accordin to Surgeon Singer, the Senior Sawbones O' the Heartland fleet. (Gangway!) But as Aristotle (Bloody Levanter ! ) knew, hotter is not better...
Antarctica be a red state. March o' the Penguins ‘affirms norms O The Code like monogamy sacrifice'n child rearin'” says a critic of the Articlrs of War, but some o' those penguins be gay... (Bilge!)
Sink me if Hilde Kschessinska: prima ballerina assoluta, mistress o' Czar Nicholas II ain't been buried at sea – a poppet o' vast skill, massive energy, 'n implacable willfulness ... (Dead men tell no tales.)
Shiver me timbers! Till the 18th century, Scots, like other Europeans, saw distilled spirits as medicine or a substitute for central heating. Then a few Jockoes started t'drink whisky for fun, but how can Demerara be rendered drinkable without cool warehouses, mate-- albedo feedback under the Pole Star could scupper our grog in the long run.
Piracy has a long'n brutal ahoystory.
How it has been treated in law makes a useful precedent for terrorism: due process is paramount, so lay aft to see how Singapore deals with Somali sea dogs and Australian coal barons what takes off their dinner jackets at the Capn's table:
If they wears
The Red Sea rig
Make them dance
The hempen jig!
Belay yer New Orleans frenchies blubbering of hurricanoes! That City o' Floods, graceful Venice has survived such calamities as fires, plagues 'n keelhauling of its poxy gondoliers: Nay U.S city has ever had t' endure the like...
God looks after drunken bilge rats, children, and Old Ironsides, but on what strange tide did He shanghai Palm Beach voters into orderin' a neocon agenda aloft into the riggin ? Now the town has been invaded by lacaradoes from the Bourough Of Queens, and the city fathers are raising th elevel of the causeways despite Captain Trump contending that sea level at Mar Del Lago is on an even keel more»
“ Sink me, n'I have felt it meself,” Freeman Dyson said.
“The glitter o' nuclear weapons. It be irresistible if ye come t' 'em as a scientist: an illusion o' illimitable power.” Arrrh, Tis time for another broadside--bid the powder monkey fetch 10 kilotons of Wall Street Journal Op-eds from the magazine- this ancient pistol ain't revised his views on sea level since the Salt Talks..more»
Letters of Marque
If the Bering Strait warms further, will Mifstefs Palin run for Governor o'the Spanish Main? Or will the pro-life Corsairtrix play Joan Bonney & plead her belly to get palaeo-pyrate backing to replace Pruitt as EPA Administrator ?
Smart as paint be Marc Morano to choose Bosun Nye , the Science Guy for an exchange of broadsides. He loves the logic o' evolution. Tis bilge to tell that dead men tell no tales when Philosopher's Mate Darwin o'ye barque Beagle hath by dead reckoning pirated his theory o'selection from an english chandler.
Should local folk rebuild N'Orleans as she was? By Cap’n Lafitte’s bones, it be not a bad idea, says Carlin Romano. (Aaarrhhh, a streetcar named Desiree' has run down me parrot !)
Pirate anthropology be in crisis, saya a swab what has climbed into the futtock shrouds to proclaim “It deserves t' be in crisis. It deserves t' explode, let it do so”... (Bloody academic privateers!) more»
The FDA sawbones hath declared an absinthe drought
as it be "adulterated” with wormwood. (Arr!) Still, customs agents will typically ignore a bottle or two in yer duffel... (Yarrr, more grog, wench!) What next ? Smoke-free opium dens in Limehouse?
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VICE-COMMODORE WATTS APPLIES FOR JOB IN NEXT ADMINISTRATION:
USE ME PATCH TO READ CLIMATIC CHANGE ?
WHY SINK ME, MISTER PRESIDENT,
IT BE AS BLIND AS ME THERMOMETER READING EYE !
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Climate pirates of Taste & Distinction may donate doubloons to ye Paypal account of Mnestheus@aol.com
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