HAS DELINGPOLE GONE SOFT ON COAL?

UKIP ENERGY POLICY GURU HAS SECOND THOUGHTS ON MIRACLE FUEL

When I first heard rumours that Michael Gove was planning to go round the country with his environmental Gestapo, ripping out our wood-burning stoves in order to heal the planet, greenwash conservatism and reduce an imaginary 36,000 deaths a year, I must admit that a small part of me felt ever so slightly relieved. Of all the desirable accessories that I’ve coveted in my life, I don’t think any has quite disappointed me as much as the wood-burning stove now staring at me accusingly as I sit at my desk.

It looks very handsome and room-furnishing, as cast-iron stoves do. And when it gets going, it really does pump out lots of heat. But there’s a reason, you eventually realise, why western civilisation graduated from such 18th-century technology to central heating. One is easy and convenient; the other, a massive pain in the arse.

I’ve similar doubts about the Rayburn in my kitchen, which works on wood and coal. You’d think this would be cheaper than electric or oil-fired... if you took delivery of huge piles of bog-standard coal. But... Then there’s the filth. The Fawn dreads winter because it’s so much harder to keep the house clean.