GREEN HELL IN THE GRENADINES
Climate Crisis Saps Stocks of Grog-Grade Rum
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| The Pride Of The Antilles 169 Proof |
Increased demand for corn to make gasohol has been shrinking waistlines in tortilla consuming nations for decades.
Now another Southern neighbor is feeling the pinch.
Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, in the Windward Islands, though used to lime shortages induced by seasonal cruise ship girly drink demand, now faces a staggering rum supply crisis.
High gasohol demand has left St. Vincent's overproof rum distilleries unable to compete in the local molasses marketplace, and the distillation of 169 proof Sunset Rum, and Jack Iron , the even fiercer artisanal moonshine of Grenadine out-islands like Petit Martinique has all but ceased.
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| 72 Proof Bad Rum |
Once-familiar bottles have vanished from rum shop shelves all the way from Bequia to Grenada, leaving only the ever unpopular Lady Bligh brand, purposefully blended too weak to pose a firewater threat in the baggage of tourists flying back stateside.
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| 198 Proof Jack Iron MADE GOD KNOWS WHERE AVAILABLE FROM BETTER SMUGGLERS IN PETIT MARTINIQUE |
In an echo of the 3 Cornered Trade, shiploads of Guyanan molasses have long been landed in St.Vincent for distillation, but in recent years cargoes ordered in January have failed to materialize. Shipment of fuel-alcohol molasses from Guyana has continued, a source in Kingstown reports, but Sunset's ship has lately come in dry, because the distillery's molasses factor in Demerara can't meet the American export price.
Foreign agents have sought to exploit this disaster by insinuating a watery liquid called Havana Club into the punch that is the Grenadines most vital bodily fluid, rendering the normally flammable concoction grossly unfit for use as outboard motor fuel and incapable of sustaining Vincentians fleeing volcanic eruptions, harpooning whales or working as Pirates of the Caribbean extras.
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| St. Vincent's XO is more than OK It has repeatedly been declared the World's Best Rum in stiff competition in Barbados |
In a development ominous for regional diplomacy, high-sulfur residual rum from Venezuela's dismal distilleries has been offered for sale shipside in the Tobago Cays, causing yachts to flee upwind to the heavily fortified wine cellars of Mustique, as the industrial strength distillate makes tasters grimace like Venezuela's late Caudillo Hugo Chavez sniffing for colonialist brimstone at the UN.
