WHO SPIKED THE CLUB OF ROME REPORT?

Hic cumque fustum Romano eques viridis percussit

As climatologists, diplomats and demonstrators converge on Dubai for COP28, a 1548 account of a debate between proponents of linear 'Aristotelian' and exponential 'Hockey Stick' theories of climate change in the Renaissance has surfaced in the Vatican archives. 

Lacking computer models, Holy Roman Emperor Charles V elected to end the dispute with a Trial By Combat by arming the  disputants with physical approximations of the two dueling climate theories.

The Calvinist Climate Consistory fielded the Puritan Sir Edward Coke, wielding a monotonic straight spiked cudgel, while the Pope's  champion, The Green Knight of Malta, was armed with a primeval form of hockey stick, the Club of Rome. 

Who won remains obscure, as both combattants were knocked senseless, and the Inquisition redacted The Club of Rome Report in 1602, amidst controversy over the carbon footprint of burning Giovanni Bruno  at the stake, on suspicion of materialism and hyping the Little Ice Age.