Monday, April 1, 2024

                            DO PIRATES CAUSE SST ANOMALIES?

Inaugural Speakers Include Flipper & Kanye Ye Cannibal King 
Commodore Trump has enlisted the Skull Island performance artist formerly known as Kangye the Cannibal King to extend Maori King Tuheitia Potatau te Wherowhero VII's grant of personhood to whales, with a Human Resources affadavy what declares Hostis Humani generis of all genders and genera to be people too.

The Dread Pirate drew applause by inquiring O' the Cannibal King whether the Hungarian Admiral he brought along be his apprentice or his lunch?
Many an Aarrrgh!  has been heard  in  the Port O'Baltimore of late, for the  China Trade be run hard Aground, bottled up in Canton when the scurvy 12,000 container galley Dali  broadside-swiped the Key Bridge and sent it to the bottom, creating a harbor barricado that leaves  scarce room to swing a cat o nine tails for to Shanghai able-bodied Heathens to man the galley oars. 

In compliance with the Black Book of Admiralty, the Baltimore Pilot what took the fee and gave the orders was taken to Dali's fo'cs'le to be beheaded on the Samson post as is customary to incentivize better pilotage, but was reprieved when the bos'n with the axe found a thousand ton block of bridge stanchion had driven the post clear through the keelson.

The Johns Hopkins School of Advanced Filibustering Studies says climate change was to blame for the accident, as the all-Indian crew were acting in haste to get home after  drought in Panama slowed lock-filling and delayed the circumnavigating vessel's canal passage

Essays & Affadavys

The Modern Piracy Association
Says them Frenchy Anthropocene Semioticians be right hornswoggled by Cap'n Koonin's latest WSJ op-ed, what hails geology's refusal to compete with The Epoch Times by naming an epoch after a species that be not dead yet!

New-Captured Logs 
Beware & take care of the Gulf of Cochin:
Kraken Chicken unleashed on China Sea
Red Sea Merchantmen flee Hadramaut Holymen

The Council On Foreign Pirations says Yemen marabouts have equipped their poxy Sinbad Jihad with drones, and round-shot Puckel Guns, causing captains to flee the Red Sea & Horn O'Africa to round Good Hope, lest the
Hoothy caliphate's corsairs toss the Brethren of the Coast into their barracoons as hostages to trade for  carbon offsets and xebec careenage discounts in European ports.

Ye Pyrate Law Review 
Former Harvard Law Review President interviews Bofun Watts
"And says I to Admiral Troomp: 
I sees no indictments- this be me thermometer siting eye!"

The Fig of Spain to Anne Bonny wannabe AOC's squally monsoon n'mega-drought scuttlebutt, sayeth Admiral Troomp's Master Climate Gunner Mynheer Ebell:

If the Gulf Stream starts to steam, says he, avast and advertise it, for it be  Mar A Lago's  new Net Zero sauna, the which adds a full zero to its property value affadavy, for it be a fine carbon offset!

Clean Coal Cap'n Steamboat Willie Soon is sure to fly the CERES Jolly Roger over his native Sulu Sea, once Admiral Troomp  keelhauls NOAA & replaces its afterguard with recruits from CPAC. 

stop ye pressgangs extra! 

No one in Piracy's Long & Brutal Ahoystory foresaw the drying up of the Darien, but tis credibly reported  by Captain Morgan that more of Spain's silver fleets must be taken to finance the locks of the new Alvarado canal across the isthmus of Guatemala which be designed to pass NeoPanamax rum tankers of 25 fathom beam and a million barrels burden.