The dastardly cabal of White House climate denaliists who last week dishonored the memory of Teddy Roosevelt's illustrious predecessor are now targeting the New Hampshire primary.
West Wing Whigs threaten to rename every peak in the Granite State's Presidential Range Dead White Male Mountains after a former First Lady, or transgendered Colonial governor, unless Rachel Carlson and Maya Angelou replace Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton on US five and ten dollar bills.
The latest salient in the War on Republican Scientists threatens the nation's currency along with its topography. Apart from the high cost of replacing 500 dollar bills, the devaluation of Mt. McKinley could destabilize international currency markets. Economists note that the Russian rouble tanked alarmingly after President Wilson signed the Mount McKinley National Park Act of February 26, 1917.
 |
| BIG BILL MCKINLEY |
The latest salient in the War on Republican Scientists threatens the nation's currency along with its topography. Apart from the high cost of replacing 500 dollar bills, the devaluation of Mt. McKinley could destabilize international currency markets. Economists note that the Russian rouble tanked alarmingly after President Wilson signed the Mount McKinley National Park Act of February 26, 1917.
Waterfront property insurance may also rise catastrophically in the wake of the latest presidential map malfunction. Sea levels in North America shot up ten feet relative to the continent's highest point last week, as revisionists politically corrected the mountain's elevation along with its name.
Had these low whigs the least respect for the decent opinion of mankind or the better sort of feminism, they would have rechristened the peak:
MOUNT IDA SAXTON MCKINLEY
