Friday, March 6, 2015


Washington, D.C.
The world of science was shocked yesterday by the tragic loss of famed University of Putra Adjunct Professor of Giant Clam studies 'Willie' Wei-Hock Soon, who vanished in the gravitational collapse of a Heartland Conference focus group into a relativistic Einstein ring.
Photo of U. of Putra Adjunct Prof. Soon taken seconds before the catastrophe 
The  implosion was  triggered  by  an  infall  of  dark money into the gravitational field of a table piled  high with press releases, driving the P-R hack's ironic mass  past the 'Pachauri Limit', and releasing a shower of  the internet quanta called  'Higgs Moncktons' or ' Blog Particles,' created when factoids propagate faster than the speed of light.
Last recorded image of Soon imploding into the spin zone

As Congressional leaders directed FEMA aid to the families of lobbyists missing in the catastrophe, string theorists said the exotic new particles must have  instantly decayed into indetectible  "Dark Money" antiphotons by  501c annihilation at the event horizon. 

"The collapse of the gravitas field suggests a Monckton to me" Heartland  Science Director & convicted EPA fraudster Jay Lehr PhD told Fox News. " If you want more on  the red ink shift and the breakdown of congressional supersymmetry, it's gonna cost you."