Sunday, April 20, 2014

COSMOS TIME

Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos' homage to the good and great Archbishop Ussher reminds us the Millennium ain't over till its over, and that geology's last best hope of getting Evangelical's to pay attention to deep time is to knuckle under and shrink it down to merely Biblical proportions 

The following geological column was offered in celebration of the 6000th anniversary of the world's creation (4004 BC-1996 AD) in Earth, a magazine that much to the relief of creationists has since been subducted along with its publisher.


                   Usshering In The Millennium 
                          23 October 4004 B.C.
    Hadean Era ends with Lucifer's fall to Earth

    * 4003 B.C.: Earth still largely molten , Adam and Eve cover their shame with asbestos waders
    * 3714 B.C.: The first biotechnologist, Cain, patents cyanobacteria.
    * 3554 B.C.: Komatiitic lava floods earliest crust ; Noah's Ark incinerated.
    * 3264 B.C.: Methuselah begins to notice passage of geological time.
    * 3124 B.C.: Archaean stratiform copper deposits form, kick-starting Bronze Age.
    * 3004 B.C.: Y1K  crisis: Gilgamesh  finds himself unable to count as high as 1000.
    * 2844 B.C.: Tired of reading graphic granite, Imhotep devises hieroglyphs.
    * 2584 B.C.: Earliest sedimentation; discovery of slate leads to stone tablets.
    * 2444 B.C.: Tubal Cain inaugurates banded Iron Age. Sphinx starts to fossilize.
    * 2384 B.C.: Breathable atmosphere develops; first sermon preached.
    * 2004 B.C.: Nimrod the Hunter erects the Geosyncline of Babel.
    * 1914 B.C.: Advent of diapirism; Lot's wife turned into first salt dome.
    * 1794 B.C.: Children of Ham split from Israelites ,insisting that the Burgess Shale fauna are  kosher; chowder invented.
    * 1704 B.C.: Charshumash the Hittite bitten by first vertebrate; lawyers emerge from slime.
    * 1624 B.C.:  Laboratory of the Philistines implodes as Samson attempts first high-pressure geophysics experiment.
    * 1444 B.C.: First environmental catastrophe: Pangea breaks up after Jason sows dragons teeth.
    * 1384 B.C.: China scraps compass research as Asia drifts over south magnetic pole.
   * 1314 B.C.:  On his way home from Troy ,Odysseus makes wrong turn into Tethys Ocean ; Homer writes it up.
    * 1264 B.C.: Moses  perfects hydrofracturing ; Red Sea rift opens

    * 1104 B.C.: Ezekiel see de pterodactyl 'way up in de middle ob de air.
    * 1024 B.C.: Goliath stepped on by irate Barosaurus; David takes credit.
    * 794 B.C.: Jonah swallowed by Carcharas megalodon.  
    * 564 B.C.: Pythagoras publishes Air-Earth-Fire-Water phase diagram.
    * 454 B.C.: Marble deposits form in Greece; Parthenon erected.
    * 338 B.C.: Aristotle declares quartz just another water polymorph , like ice,diamond and pearls.
    * 48 B.C.: All of Gaul is divided into three parts as Corsica collides with the European Plate.
    * The Year Zero: Nothing much happened, there being none.
    * A.D. 31: Miracle of the Loaves and Ichthyosaurs.
    * A.D. 70: Paul, formerly Saul the Tarsier, develops opposable thumb & pens Epistle to the Cephalopods.
    * A.D. 344: Attila the Hun vanquished as Romans breach Gibraltar escarpment, flooding the Mediterranean Desert.
    * A.D. 494: Snakes evolve and are driven out of Ireland.
    * A.D. 974: Leif the Unlucky lost with all hands when his dragon ship is spotted by an amorous Kronosaurus.
    * A.D. 1066: William the Conqueror invades England by riding through northern France.
   * A.D. 1215: Mega Fauna force King John to sign Magna Carta
    * A.D. 1284: Plate armor introduced ; Velociraptor hunted to extinction.
    * A.D. 1306: Dante describes Medieval Warm period in Inferno, his account of a field trip to the core-mantle boundary.
    * A.D. 1324  T.Rex becomes popular Mongol Barbecue  item after Golden Horde discovers gunpowder.
    * A.D. 1444: Flowering plants appear; War of the Roses commences.
    * A.D. 1484: Leonardo da Vinci designs Archaeopteryx.
    * A.D. 1492: Panama's rise from sea thwarts Columbus's discovery of Japan.
A.D. 1522: Sneak asteroid attack by Hernan Cortez smashes Aztec Empire
    * A.D. 1588: Spanish Armada frustrated by continuing absence of English Channel.
    * A.D.1614/1000 A.H.
Y1K panic follows Islamic MIllennium as Arabic numeral copyright expires
    * A.D. 1636: Earliest primates appear; Harvard founded.
    * A.D. 1654: John Milton goes blind shortly after discovery of malt distillation enables him to justify God's ways to man.
    * A.D. 1664: A Primate of Ireland, Archbishop Ussher, successfully deduces last four out of ten digits of the age of the Earth.
    * A.D. 1678: Little Ice Age allows Spanish Inquisition to unexpectedly skate to England to burn Isaac Newton at the stake on suspicion of alchemy
    * A.D. 1754: Gibbons evolve and write The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
    * A.D. 1776: Washington routs British with mammoth cavalry chargeMinimammoth
    * A.D. 1835: Charles Darwin devoured while attempting to measure bill of Galapagos giant finch
    * A.D. 1846: First ape  born to Bishop and Lady Wilburforce.
    * A.D. 1894:  Glacial Maximum : Cecil Rhodes proposes Capetown-to-Cairo bobsled run.
    * A.D. 1914: Younger Dryas sea-level rise unleashes U-boats into the Atlantic; Holy Roman Empire wins World War I
    * A.D. 1948: Churchill proposes using ice to contain Stalin; Cold War begins.
    * A.D. 1954: Glaciers retreat from Fulda Gap; de Gaulle invades Russia.
    * A.D. 1957: Civil Rights Movement challenges Jim Cro-Magnon laws.
    * A.D. 1961: Rachel Carson links DDT to Glyptodonts' decline.
    * A.D. 1969: Last sighting of saber-toothed tiger in Central Park; Elizabeth Taylor divorces Proconsul,marries Senator Warner.
    * A.D. 1971: Andy Warhol paints Campbell Soup cans on walls of Lascaux caverns.
   * A.D. 1983: Australopithecus wins the America's Cup.
    * A.D. 1988: Homo habilis declines nomination as Pat Robertson's running mate.
    * A.D. 1990: Last Neanderthals escape siege of Kremlin, cross Bering land bridge to found Discovery institute.
    * A.D. 1991: Saddam Hussein discovers fire; Holocene tar sands form in Kuwait.
    * A.D. 1992  Onset of Holocene Climatic Optimum ruins Al Gore's Presidential bid.
    * A.D. 1996   Y6K crisis fails to materialize
    *  1997 CE   Citing black smoker emissions, the EPA bans continental drift.
    *  2000 CE   Al Gore fills cological niche opened by mass extinction of Y2K consultants  
    *  2001 CE   Tectonic clash of civilizations leads to formation of Ground Zero Gneiss
    *  2002 CE   Thermophilis wins Nobel Prize for sequencing its own DNA while trapped in amber
  
 N.B.: As all dates are +/- 2.5 billion years, the author strongly advises against using this chronology for purposes of exegesis, carbon-14 dating or celestial navigation.  This exercise was inspired by a remark made at a meeting of the American Geophysical Union by the late Cesare Emiliani. 
Pirated , unattributed, and altered versions of this piece seen on the Web derive from my Earth magazine Parting Shot column, "Usshering In The Millennium"  Beneficiaries of this  geological time-saver, which offers a Biblically Correct  four billion year shortcut around the standard geological column, are invited to use  PayPal:  mnestheus@aol.com                                                          Copyright 1996-2014 Russell Seitz

Saturday, April 19, 2014

IT SOUNDS BETTER IN THE ORIGINAL TAMARIAN

While Starfleet's tendency to highlight alien climate woes, and boldly go where no EPA  regulator has gone before may discommend Star Trek to climate skeptics, its perennially PC screenwriting hasn't stopped flying saucer fanboy Willard A. Watts from coming out as a trekkie:
Why climate change communications is like ‘Shaka, when the walls fell’
Posted on  by 
With the pending climate pajamafest all-nighter at the U.S. Senate, (powered by the Washington DC coal burning power plant) the release of former NASA scientists and engineers Right Climate Stuff message that there is no need to be worried about CAGW, and Bill McKibben’s empty boxes fiasco, these loosely related events coaclesced into a moment of understanding last night after I watched what is probably my favorite episode of Star Trek, The Next Generation titled “Darmok“.
Watts is in denial about Captain Picard's chosen metaphor--Gilgamesh is after all, an epic tale of refugees from rising water levels who, like Utnapishtim, fear catastrophic antropogenic climate change should Mesopotamians fail to honor the storm god.

To seal the deal, the hero's sidekick is the son of the tutelary deity of not just climate modelers, but Watt's chosen profession -- Enkidu's father Enki accurately forecast The Flood 7500 years before the gods invented TV weathermen.

Friday, April 18, 2014

THERE IS SUCH A THING AS A FREE LUNCH!

APPLAUD S. FRED'S THOUSAND PAGES OF KENTUCKY FRIED CODSWALLOP, AND THE RUBBER CHICKEN IS YOURS TO KEEP !
Join The Heartland Institute and NIPCC scientists in Washington, DC at one of these free public events in April.


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

BLACK HOLE FOUND NEAR CENTER OF CLIMATE BLOGOSPHERE

ENORMOUS SUCKING SOUND HEARD AS ECHO CHAMBER STRIPS OXYGEN FROM SURROUNDING MEDIA

"...A network of 171 individual blogs is identified, with three blogs in particular found to be the most central: Climate Audit, JoNova and Watts Up With That."

'the climate debate may have entered into the realm... where no amount of scientific information can reconcile the different values held on a certain topic. This is in contrast to the “rational-instrument” approach whereby science is seen as providing ‘verifiable facts about reality on which rational policy decisions can be based’

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR WATTS


THE CHARGE OF THE GULLIBLE WARMING CHICKEN LITTLE LEMMING DUMB@$$ BRIGADE

Some of those shouting the loudest for public debate in the Climate Wars seem reluctant to stay on the same page as their opponents. 
None more literally so than Peter Ferrara. Having segued into the orbit of the Heartland Institute fresh from the law offices of disbarred K-Street fixer Jack Abramoff, he now shares the Institute's media feed to Forbes with James Taylor and Larry Bell, and together they have raised the delivery of undiluted disinformation to the level of performance art.  
Peter's latest patter song: The Period Of No Global Warming Will Soon Be Longer Than the Period of Actual Global Warming outdistances his Heartland confreres by using his administrator status to jigger the comments in a manner recalling Johnny Carson's Carmac The Magnificent act.
Allowing only answers to questions he likes to appear on the first web page, Ferrara buries less than sycophantic answers in back page links. Here with emphasis is the result. All fanboi handles guaranteed real:


Sunday, April 6, 2014

BUT WHERE DO WE CLICK FOR THE MONKEY?

 The latest selfie from the law office of: http://www.steynonline.com

IF YOU PREFER NONE OF THE ABOVE, JUST SEND MOOLAH TO 
 MNESTHEUS@PAYPAL
MANY THANKS 1

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

THE NEW REPUBLIC OF SCIENCE

The endorsement of Chris Mooney's The Republican War on Science by Katherine vanden Heuvel of The Nation, and Slate's report that only 6% of scientists identify with the GOP have led Mother Jones to conclude:
"... Of course scientists are hostile toward Republicans. As far as they're concerned, Republicans are troglodytes who don't believe in evolution, don't believe in climate change, want to ban stem cell research, and don't want to fund the NSF. They'd be crazy not to be hostile toward Republicans."
To frame a Republican outreach campaign to halt the implosion of bipartisanship these authors celebrate  lament, The American Association for the Advancement of Science can invoke the science popularizers who, having been around the longest, should evoke the most trust among conservative readers,
 J. D. Bernal and J.B.S. Haldane: 

America's largest science organization has also decided to broaden its political scope by putting aside the partisan biotech protocols and politicized cell line sources of the past. Henceforth Science will provide prospective molecular bio authors with their choice of DNA from venture capitalist Craig Venter, stem cells from late AAAS President Steve Gould, whose daddy raised him to be a Marxist, or toenail parings from the family crypt of the Chevalier de Lamarck.

So re-up for the Science Wars today! Renew your Science subscription by April 1st, and Science For The People and Union Of Concerned Scientists dues will be included at no extra charge!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

QUOT HOMINES, ITA PAUCI SENTENTIAE

To my considerable surprise, Roger Pielke Jr. has found his metier-- as a book reviewer.

Check out his Nature review of the book that started the science wars in earnest,  J. D. Bernal's 1940 classic, The Social Function of Science 
And then comrade Bernal asked Stalin to liquidate the Republicans!










COALS FROM NEWCASTLE

One cannot fault Matt Ridley's sense of place-  at risk of enlisting on the losing side in the war against cliche' he has become an equally staunch defender of the Northumbrian landscape and the coal mining that re-arranges it - a paradox of affection reflecting how many of the Ridley estate's broad acres are underlain by coal measures.

But what ever can the ex-Economist writer make of the coterie he's spent the last week responding to in WUWT, where Watts has headlined his recent WSJ Op-ed? Have any of them kept up with what the ever-skeptical Economist has been so eloquently saying about the realities of the science in question? 

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

PSEUDS' CORNER

Watching a zombie journal like Pattern Recognition in Physics rise from the grave of climate denier captivity, one wonders why the cranks attempting its resurrection didn't hoist their editorial jolly roger aboard some less creaky journal ?
prp
You may not see them at your corner newsstand, but at $4,000 and up per institutional subscription, there is no sub-sub-discipline too obscure to command its own journal. Pergamon's late great Captain Bob was the first to grow rich inflating the list. At its high water mark, Harvard had 35,800 journal subscriptions to pay. 

Why fool around with old vanity presses or Pseudojournals like E&E and PRP, when publishers launch new ones with sciency titles and pristine reputations almost weekly? With application, pseuds like Viscount Monckton, and deferential operators like Benny Peiser and Fred Singer could sell space in the latest to every energy flack and PR hack on K-Street: 
The Journal of Pseudo-Differential 
Operators and Applications 

No anchorman dare challenge a title of such magisterial opacity!




OILER'S THEOREM

    What If   reports on Soda Sequestration
How much CO2 is contained in the world's stock of bottled fizzy drinks? How much soda would be needed to bring atmospheric CO2 back to preindustrial levels?- Brandon Seah.. One "part per million" of CO2 weighs about 7.8 billion tons. A can of soda contains in the neighborhood of 2.2 grams of CO2, so you would need about 450 quadrillion cans of soda...enough to cover the Earth's land with ten layers of cans... 
This layer of cans would get pretty annoying...Are there any ways out of this predicament? In some areas, you can turn in soda cans for recycling... If you collected one year's worth of soda cans—instead of layering them across the Earth's surface—and emptied them out, you could redeem them for $372 trillion.
With that much money, you could simply buy the world's current reserves of coal, oil, and natural gas—the source of the whole problem. Then, you put it all back in the ground and leave it there. Problem solved.
Not so fast , Brandon! Many jurisdictions disapprove of pouring oil down holes in the ground. 


Since oil is ~1,000 X  denser than CO2 gas it might be more prudent to instead pour the black goo into some of those 450,000,000,000,000,000 soda cans, and set them aside on lower pantry shelves to await the next ice age, or the revival of tar and feathering as a penalty for rhetorical excess in modest proposals.

'TIS A GIFT TO BE SIMPLE

A hare-brained visitor to lagomorphland has linked this dish of spagetti as a proof so positive of Michael Mann's statistical guilt that any kindergarten worth its crayons would convict him. 



And here from Science we have what Marcott et al's spagetti adds up to, minus WUWT's special sauce- 

Monday, March 24, 2014

A MAMMOTH HEADACHE


The measure of a great crank magnet is the force with which it attracts weird science from afar, like this offering from one of Watts more prestigeous academic fans, Jim Steele, Director emeritus of the Sierra Nevada Field Campus, San Francisco State University, which in the Wattsian calculus of credential inflation means a former campground manager and lecturer on 'Bird Identification by Song'. Spreading his wings, Mr. Steele has introduced WUWT readers to the remarkable hypothesis set forth in William Thompson's blog:
The gist of the theory is that a comet killed off North America's Ice Age megafauna, and flattened the Clovis culture. Undaunted by the failure of further field studies to confirm his ideas, Thompson has upstaged Edward Cayce with a 159 page bibliography of signs in the heavens and stratigraphic layers containing nanodiamonds so small that only the catastrophically pure of heart can see them.

I confess I was utterly charmed by 
Thompson's colleague Allen West's 2007 claim that the mammoths were shot dead by a meteor shower, a bar magnet having revealed birdshot sized bits of rust embedded in the upper surfaces of  fossil tusks.

Alas for Editor Watts, this wondrous blast from the past did not survive for long. The particles of purported shrapnel seen seven years ago burned up in the heated atmosphere of peer review, the cosmic tuskers having overlooked the geological ubiquity of iron. 

With so much underfoot,the late great  mammoths rooted about at far greater risk of getting bits of magnetite stuck in their ivories than being whacked by a meteorite.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

YOUR SHARE OF THE AIR


There is a corollary to Yogi Berra's momentous observation that:
'You can see a lot just by observing.'


The surest way to make people 
think about things 
is to show them to them. 

So forget 'framing'. If you want the idea of atmospheric change to hit people like a ton of bricks, turn their share of the air into a ton of bricks right in front of their eyes.
   This may be easier than it sounds, because your share of the air weighs three quarters of a million tonnes.
   
   Every year each American adds twenty tonnes of CO2 to the air, so translated into blocks of solidified gas, your share of the CO2 problem can be piled into something easy to see and mighty hard to ignore:
A PYRAMID OF DRY ICE TEN FEET TALL
In some circles this is known as reification, but members of the conceptual art commisioning classes are invited to contact the author about installations



Friday, March 21, 2014

THE CLIMATE STOATSMANSHIP OF WILLARD WATTS

As Secretary of State Kerry fires up the Foreign Service for the Climate Wars,  Mr. Willard A. Watts, former Cisco TV weatherman and self appointed climate diplomacy doyen of Placer County, California, confronts the great two-hookah problem of the day: 
 Who's suing whom in Mann v. Steyn?   

Saturday, March 15, 2014

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE WATTS

Just as there is no political hypothesis so absurd that two Nobel laureates cannot be found to endorse it, there is no geophysics news so irrelevant to climate policy as to avoid a blog post by those two past masters of distraction, Messrs. Watts & Eschenbach of WUWT. 

To test this axiom, readers should note how long it takes them to declare peace in the water wars of our times by invoking newly discovered oceans of the stuff lying underfoot just a few hundred miles down, and a few thousand degrees up the thermocline. The clock started Saturday, with an Anonymous coolista hailing Time magazine's account of the discovery of hydrated silicate phases in the Earth's upper mantle:



Tuesday, March 11, 2014

BUT WILLARD, WE THOUGHT YOU LIKED THE LITTLE ICE AGE?

Climate Craziness of the Week: ‘warming causing lobster cannibalism’

AS WATTS VIDEO IS TOO GRUESOME FOR GENTEEL VIEWING, WE OFFER INSTEAD THIS VIEW OF  Homarus americanus  TAKING REVENGE FOR OCEAN ACIDIFICATION
             SEBASTIAN MUNSTER COSMOGRAPHIA [1545]