Friday, April 1, 2016

                           RUN IT  BY  CECIL  B. De MILLE YET?

If  only I  had  the  film  rights  to  James Hansen's  AC&P  jeremiad ! 
Somebody has to win the next Climate Oscar, and Hansen's Day After Tomorrow rehash would make a disaster film of  Biblical proportions.
Forget  Miami  turning  into  Atlantis.  Just  think  what  an  Antarctic meltdown could do for waterfront  property values in The Holy Land :

Hollywood  wants in  because broadcast TV offers  Climate Wars fans more than the Fox Network. The apocalyptic End-Time channels have embedded  reporters  reporting  24-7  from  the  Plain of Armageddon, where  evangelical   luminaries   have  been  predicting  hostilities will erupt  any  minute now for  over  three-score  years  and ten. Although The Center for Climate and Security has yet to analyze the  impact of rising sea levels on the operational art in this strategic theatre, its east end has been  below sea level since  before Noah's Flood.
Which is where  Hansen et al.  come in : as Antarctic ice goes  down, sea level goes up, and once the Med laps at the threshold of Meggido, its waters  will swiftly run downhill into the Galilee, and sure as  the Galillee is connected to the Dead Sea,  wave action will erode Mount Carmel's coastal talus until salt water rushing  down the Golan Straits turns  the River Jordan into a gully on the sea floor in a scene worthy of Cecil B. De Mille, all without a single nuclear weapon being fired!

A  rising   tide  lifts   all  Arks,  and  as   the pillars of salt  sink into the sunset,  the Dead Sea will be  born again, as the Jordan broadens into the Gulf of Gomorrah,  parting  glum  West Bank  settlers from indignant  Palestinian indigenes, and giving the Lebanon ample room for seaside condos along its southern shore as a brave new Levantine Waterworld  franchise transforms the regional balance of power.

What's not to like?  Israel gets a whole new  East Coast,  sea breezes will cool off Syrian hotheads, LNG supertankers get to transit Suez, and Jordanian cuisine goes Mediterranean. Best of all, having  gone glug-glug  for good, Sodom, Gomorrah, and the Gaza Strip cease to be objects of dismay and cultural contention. 

Glory be, how tinseltown will prosper !  It will take legions of writers to rescript  End Times  TV as  Satanic  submarine fleets replace battle tanks on an Apocalyptic  battlefield full fathom five beneath the Med. As soon as the European Geosciences Union signs over the film rights, Disney Imagineering  can  start  on  a  Christmas movie  recasting  the Kraken as some rough beast slouching towards Bethlehem to be born.